Few weeks back, I've heard from a family friend that his cousin, age 18, had committed suicide. Anyone who knew "Joseph", such as I, could not believe that he ended his own life with a click of a devil's toy in his head. "What? No, not Joseph... It's impossible...And where the hell did he get that gun? Did he really kill himself? No…not Joseph. It can’t be." Those who heard about this incident had asked these exact same questions. I've seen Joseph in every family party we had and attended to. Ahhh, Joseph, a very babbly, almost annoying boy who laughs out loud and buys dry jokes. Even so, he would come to every guest coming to the door and greet them politely. The day he died, he sent this text message to his mother's cell phone,{I LOVE YOU, MOM}, about an hour before she reached home from work where she found her son half seated, half-lying on his bed with blood all over his pillows and bed spread. God, we didn't really know why. Not even his own mother, who was still mourning from her husband's (Joseph's father) recent death seemed to know why her son could have done such a thing. She was really clueless.
Did Joseph get short coping with his grief over his father’s sudden death? Maybe, Could be. He was with him the day he died. They were in the freeway northbound 405, on their home with his father driving when he suddenly lost consciousness, and Joseph had to garb the steering wheel and crossed his left leg over his to step on the brake. The paramedics pronounced him dead before reaching the hospital. The autopsy ruled out Brain Aneurysm. All this happened about a couple of months ahead his suicide.
Was it gang-related issues involving drugs or alcohol? Maybe, Could be. But should this be true, it's going to be even more surprising since Joseph mostly hanged-out with his cousins when not at home after schools or during school breaks.
Was he “crazy”, or have any Psychiatric problems? Maybe. Could Be. For one thing, he may be really depressed and if he was, Oh, Boy! He was really good at hiding it. Crazy? Not sure. Aren’t we all are?
A lot more theories have played the minds of the people surrounding his life. I've been thinking about him for days and weeks after his death. As a matter of fact I still am thinking about him. I have posted blogs about this incident in my other groups too, but never get to details such as this one. I was wondering if he ever tried to talk to anyone about his feelings or concerns, or if the person he tried to speak to ever paid a little more attention or give another hour to listen. Then maybe, just... maybe he will still be around. Sometimes, when people came to us and started talking about some problems we got sour, obviously, we have our own “baggage” to carry too and we don’t want to be bothered more by hearing someone else's. Its human nature and we are not perfect. But we should feel blessed if someone comes to us and trust us enough to confide in us. Why? Because then we should know that we are to be chosen by God as his instrument for someone in need and wanted to reach out. Lending your ears can make a difference to someone's life. Looking through someone's eyes can also be another way to know the truth. Not all honesty can be revealed in words. Joseph's death reminded me of a poem I wrote two months ago when I saw my girlfriend’s “supposedly happy picture”. Her eyes from that photograph got my attention, they were saying something else.
Did Joseph get short coping with his grief over his father’s sudden death? Maybe, Could be. He was with him the day he died. They were in the freeway northbound 405, on their home with his father driving when he suddenly lost consciousness, and Joseph had to garb the steering wheel and crossed his left leg over his to step on the brake. The paramedics pronounced him dead before reaching the hospital. The autopsy ruled out Brain Aneurysm. All this happened about a couple of months ahead his suicide.
Was it gang-related issues involving drugs or alcohol? Maybe, Could be. But should this be true, it's going to be even more surprising since Joseph mostly hanged-out with his cousins when not at home after schools or during school breaks.
Was he “crazy”, or have any Psychiatric problems? Maybe. Could Be. For one thing, he may be really depressed and if he was, Oh, Boy! He was really good at hiding it. Crazy? Not sure. Aren’t we all are?
A lot more theories have played the minds of the people surrounding his life. I've been thinking about him for days and weeks after his death. As a matter of fact I still am thinking about him. I have posted blogs about this incident in my other groups too, but never get to details such as this one. I was wondering if he ever tried to talk to anyone about his feelings or concerns, or if the person he tried to speak to ever paid a little more attention or give another hour to listen. Then maybe, just... maybe he will still be around. Sometimes, when people came to us and started talking about some problems we got sour, obviously, we have our own “baggage” to carry too and we don’t want to be bothered more by hearing someone else's. Its human nature and we are not perfect. But we should feel blessed if someone comes to us and trust us enough to confide in us. Why? Because then we should know that we are to be chosen by God as his instrument for someone in need and wanted to reach out. Lending your ears can make a difference to someone's life. Looking through someone's eyes can also be another way to know the truth. Not all honesty can be revealed in words. Joseph's death reminded me of a poem I wrote two months ago when I saw my girlfriend’s “supposedly happy picture”. Her eyes from that photograph got my attention, they were saying something else.
YOUR EYES
By: Rogelita Jimenez (Angelika)
©(02-2007)
You’re imposing with your smile so dazzling
On the water a “brightest” reflection of sun shining
Like a diamond streak on the creek that flows
You’re like a tree leaf that tickles in a second the wind blows
You laugh out loud at the jokes in a crowd
The loneliness you feel always in shroud
You dance your head in different direction
Choreography in purpose, to mask your desolation
But I am a friend, who would know you ‘til the end
The empty feeling that bends, even I can’t seem to mend
Your heart is big, still feel alone
Another one like yours may set it atone
I see your act for a play will sell
But I see your eyes I still can tell
They were bare and null, revealed your barren mind
They can’t justify your pretenses, despite of all the lines
The sadness that insisted in you
You only have it because you let it to
To sky you must now look up to
Your eyes to let it shine through
The tears you control, you successfully tanked inside
Through your eyes, let it flow, there’s no need for it to hide
Stop concealing the truth in your obsolete, absolute smile
Your eyes never lie, if you cry, it’ll be all worthwhile.
By: Rogelita Jimenez (Angelika)
©(02-2007)
You’re imposing with your smile so dazzling
On the water a “brightest” reflection of sun shining
Like a diamond streak on the creek that flows
You’re like a tree leaf that tickles in a second the wind blows
You laugh out loud at the jokes in a crowd
The loneliness you feel always in shroud
You dance your head in different direction
Choreography in purpose, to mask your desolation
But I am a friend, who would know you ‘til the end
The empty feeling that bends, even I can’t seem to mend
Your heart is big, still feel alone
Another one like yours may set it atone
I see your act for a play will sell
But I see your eyes I still can tell
They were bare and null, revealed your barren mind
They can’t justify your pretenses, despite of all the lines
The sadness that insisted in you
You only have it because you let it to
To sky you must now look up to
Your eyes to let it shine through
The tears you control, you successfully tanked inside
Through your eyes, let it flow, there’s no need for it to hide
Stop concealing the truth in your obsolete, absolute smile
Your eyes never lie, if you cry, it’ll be all worthwhile.
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